Ellen DeGeneres forever tied her vaginal juices in holy matrimony with her long term lezzie clit licker Portia de Rossi. The wedding was held in Ellen’s $29 million home in presence of only 30 invited guests. Ellen DeGeneres lives in a $29 million home? Wow, imagine lesbian orgies that these two vaginas put together in the mansion. The ritual probably consists of goat decapitation voodoo style and menstrual blood back rub. When the priest was about to say “You May Kiss The Bride”, instead he probably said “You May Lick Brides Middle Toe”. Sounds like a pretty good wedding.

Oh, and my terrible dilemma that kept bugging me for days has been resolved. Ellen DeGeneres was the groom and Portia de Rossi was the bride. I had no idea how two lesbians who are having a wedding are gonna get that shit sorted out. Straight people have it simple. Or one could say – they don’t have a choice. Where as gay people, they have a major decision to face, but they have a choice. Except that it could lead to arguments that could bring whole wedding down. Looking at Ellen DeGeneres, I don’t suspect an argument. She probably forced an umbrella up Portia de Rossi’s ass and told her she’d open it if she didn’t agree to let her to be a groom. And Portia de Rossi said: “Ellen, I agree to you being the groom at our wedding, just please do open the umbrella, I love when you’re rough and tough with my ass.”

What a great couple.