There’s nothing like a little jerk-off to a picture of fruit in a glass bowl. If you’ve never jerked off to a picture of a fruit in a glass bowl – OWM, you have no idea what you’re missing out on. Here’s a video to give you some inspiration and seriously… don’t pass up on the best this life has to offer. Jerk it off… to a picture of fruit in a glass bowl. Hellz yeah!
Tiger Woods stepped up and apologized on his official website tigerwoods.com for his “transgressions”. The Tiger Woods Apology came as a response to massive media bombing that was driving him insane and making his family unhappy. Obviously, Tiger Woods is a public figure but also a man with penis and as we all know, men with penises need to ejaculate semen into women. And when Elin Nordegren is not there, what’s a little tiger to do. He shoves his dick up the ass of some random cocktail waitress or a marketing manager from Las Vegas.
The apology statement is a rather long read, but if you’re up for learning the whole truth as Tiger Woods has it to say, then real the whole text. It’s provided in full below:
I have let my family down and I regret those transgressions with all of my heart. I have not been true to my values and the behavior my family deserves. I am not without faults and I am far short of perfect. I am dealing with my behavior and personal failings behind closed doors with my family. Those feelings should be shared by us alone.
Although I am a well-known person and have made my career as a professional athlete, I have been dismayed to realize the full extent of what tabloid scrutiny really means. For the last week, my family and I have been hounded to expose intimate details of our personal lives. The stories in particular that physical violence played any role in the car accident were utterly false and malicious. Elin has always done more to support our family and shown more grace than anyone could possibly expect.
But no matter how intense curiosity about public figures can be, there is an important and deep principle at stake which is the right to some simple, human measure of privacy. I realize there are some who don’t share my view on that. But for me, the virtue of privacy is one that must be protected in matters that are intimate and within one’s own family. Personal sins should not require press releases and problems within a family shouldn’t have to mean public confessions.
Whatever regrets I have about letting my family down have been shared with and felt by us alone. I have given this a lot of reflection and thought and I believe that there is a point at which I must stick to that principle even though it’s difficult.
I will strive to be a better person and the husband and father that my family deserves. For all of those who have supported me over the years, I offer my profound apology.
Those are some pretty colorful words Tiger Woods is using. I wish there was one man who would just man up and come out straight. For example:
Well, fuck it. I’ve fucked some skanks to see what other pussy feels like from the inside. Have not each men done the same. What’s so special about me. If any other cocktail waitress comes my way, I’ll fuck her too. What’s the big deal bitches?
Tiger Woods Photo by Glyn Kirk, Getty Images
No matter how hard you try, you can’t be any more of a loser than this groom in the video. He’s standing before the minister, he pulls out his cell phone to update his status on Facebook and Twitter. His wife to be in a few second – Tracy was handed a cell phone too to help updating cause when loser marry, you wanna make sure both are on the same page. Complete fail at life.
Now that the alleged affair between golf star Tiger Woods and some random gold-digger Rachel Uchitel has gone public and took off like there’s no tomorrow, more and more gold-diggers are coming out of the woodwork claiming that Tiger Woods also had an affair with them. Is this some gold-diggers society they are all proud members of? Cause it sure seems like they wait patiently until chief gold digger gives a sign and then they all come out and start claiming they had Tiger Wood’s penis in their mouth. Gross. Rachel Uchitel was followed by Jaimee Grubbs who swears she’s got over 300 text messages from Tiger Woods she would be sent during her affair with the golf pro. And now the Tiger Woods affair scene was also entered by gold digger Kalika Moquin who maintains that she was sucking on Tiger Wood’s penis as recently as in October of 2009. Photo of Kalika Moquin from Life & Style magazine is included above.
Oddly enough, Kalika Moquin is NOT a cocktail bar waitress from Los Angeles of Las Vegas. Kalika Moquin allegedly works as a marketing manager for Las Vegas nightclub called The Bank. So Las Vegas is there, but no cocktail waitress as job title. That’s freaking odd. The oddballs who come out of nowhere to gain their five minutes of fame typically work as coctail waitresses (shoutout to Jaimee Grubbs), but this one breaks the golden rule. FIRED!
Elin Nordegren disapproves. She’s gonna own those bitches with a golf club. I wonder if this alleged Tiger Woods affair with Kalika Moquin is just a publicity stunt on behalf of The Bank night club. Being in Las Vegas, they are surely struggling with decreased revenue just as any other Vegas venue and this could put The Bank in the spotlight. And if Kalika Moquin truly is a marketing manager for the club, then she’s an effin good one cause the club could not have asked for any more publicity than this. Just pick a random celebrity that’s being currently slammed with affair allegation and throw your own in the pile. Collect media attention and revenue that it delivers and move on with your life when someone else’s secret affairs hit the news. Kalika Moquin is an effin genius marketer. But can she lift a ball with her vagina?
The trailer below is from the upcoming documentary titled Babies. The release year for the Babies Documentary is expected to be 2009, but since we’re already in December of 2009, it doesn’t look like they have much time for the release. Not that I would want to watch a documentary on babies. Just as I was watching this trailer, all I could think of was soccer. Babies, as they crawl down on the floor make for excessively attractive soccer balls. I just wanted to swing my foot and kick. What a sight would that be to watch them fly. I’d recommend Babies Documentary to any fan of the world’s most popular sport. The trailer is below:
Remember Royce Lyndsay Reed? Yeah, me neither. The nobody champion Royce Lyndsay Reed used to dance for Orlando Magic until Lady Luck tired out and sat on her skanky ass. Dwight Howard of the Orlando Magic was just in the neighborhood and made Royce Lyndsay Reed’s golddigging dream come true by shoving his penis into her vagina. Royce Lyndsay Reed got pregnant and now there is a 2 year old son out of that failed relationship.
The thing is, Royce Lyndsay Reed did manage to score a big one (at least when it come to height, cause Dwight Howard’s got it) but a relationship between a basketball star and a gold digger is bound to fail sooner or later. Oddly enough, it was Royce Lyndsay Reed herself who fuelled the rage and put a stump on the affair between the two. It all started in October od 2009 when Royce Lyndsay Reed crossed the line and called the NBA star a “deadbeat” on Twitter (I told you she was a loser. Sane people don’t use Twitter). She also labeled Dwight Howard with the same coveted title on her blog and even brought it up with ESPN. What a deadbeat!
Needless to say, Dwight Howard wasn’t having none of it, brought his baby mama’s ass before the judge who ruled that Royce Lyndsay Reed is banned from “using or publishing, directly, indirectly or by innuendo, {Dwight Howard’s} name, nicknames, image, brand photographs, and/or likeness.” This is pretty funny, because Royce Lyndsay Reed was aspiring to fast-forward her gold digging career by appearing on NBA Wives, but now that she can’t be in no way associated with the name of Dwight Howard, she can literally forget about it and get back to cheerleading. PWNED!
Everybody wants to see Rachel Uchitel Pictures, and I won’t deny it… myself included. I’m a grumpy old man who gets off on fluffing crap on everyone famous, but I have had undeniable respect for Tiger Woods and his… what appeared to be a perfect life. I was kind of surprised when scandal around his persona surfaced but at the same time I was not. That’s because the scandal bore the title Tiger Woods Mistress.
Everything seemed to be so perfect in Tiger Woods’ life that I could not think of anything that could have gone better for him. He has a beautiful family, Scandinavian model Elin Nordegren is a wife to die for, and let’s not forget that he’s one of the most celebrated sports figures of all time and the best paid one too. Yet something was missing in Tiger Woods’ life. And that’s probably where mistress needed to step in. And what best way to fill in the need for a successful person to get a spank than by a wannabe gold digger. Enter Rachel Uchitel.
There has been way too much buzz around Tiger Woods and then some more. Yesterday accident and gold club through the window was just a cherry on top, but let’s focus on Rachel Uchitel and her pictures. Look at the gallery below. WTF is wrong with Tiger Woods. Why do all these rich and famous people go for the ugly and skanky sluts? Why not pick a cute girl next door? Rachel Uchitel is fucking nasty and so plastic it makes me wanna puke dildos. Duh!
Gallery of Rachel Uchitel Pictures aka Tiger Woods Mistress is below:
Aubrey O’Day, who’s basically a nobody got desperate for attention yesterday and posted a picture of her naked ass on twitter. You see, women like Aubrey O’Day don’t have much going for them. They got a brief shot at fame at some failed reality show and when they faintly burning candle goes out, they go all out in desperate attempt to put that spotlight back on their ass.
Not that I find anything wrong with that. The more failed sluts feel the need to seek attention via half naked photos, the more nude ass there will be to jerk off to. And since there never is shortage of failed sluts, there will never be shortage of naked ass photos on twitter or internet as a whole. Aubrey O’Day simply showed us what we already know. Her star that’s never shined bright is fading by the day so she’s trying hard to draw attention to herself by the only means available to her. And since her lack of skill to produce anything worthwhile is apparent, there is one more naked ass on the net to drool to. Way to go, Aubrey O’Day.
Google continues to pace its way of being the biggest Obama ass kisser on the planet. What a FAIL. Latest faux paix on behalf Google has to do with Michelle Obama Monkey Photo. As it turns out, North Americans are not the only ones who find similarities between Michelle Obama and monkeys striking. Some blogger from out of China who has his Hot Girls blog hosted on Google owned Blogger.com posted a picture of Michelle Obama with monkey features on his blog and this photo ended up being the top search result on Google for search phrase “Michelle Obama”.
Nothing wrong with that, afterall – many upon many politicians and folks of other walks of life had their photos digitally manipulated and posted on the internet. Well, while other folk have sense of humor, The Obama has long been known for having none and both them as well as their worshippers get excessively outraged when someone dares to make fun of their idol.
Google being the Obama worshipper extraordinaire, responded to whining of other Obama worshippers by removal of Michelle Obama monkey photo. Bunch of hypocrites those Obama ass kissers at Google. Somehow they forgot about their pledge to “do no evil”. It’s fine to make fun of anyone else, but try to make fun of The Obamas and Google bends over to take a twin fist up their ass form their worshipped idols.
Sad world we live in. Google is a failed search engine. Providing fair, relevant results is not good by them. They must manually alter it and force feed failed Google users with custom tailored search results.
Since the original Michelle Obama monkey photo has disappeared from the internet due to Google’s doing, I’ve decided to paint my own. Granted, I ain’t no artist, but don’t tell me my awesome drawing does not resemble Michelle Obama or a monkey!
US President and an overall joker Barack Obama is on his Asia wide tour and made a stop in Japan to grease their mighty land with his presence. When the time came to meet with Emperor Akihito and Empress Michiko, Barack Obama deeply bowed to them. There’s a lot of controversy over this bow and I know in the past I was one of those who pointed out inconsistencies in Obama’s behaviour when he bowed to Saudi King. That is simply political correctness as Americans fought to gain independence from “kingdoms” and as such, are not bowed to bow to royalties (or should not). However if it were me standing before Japanese Emperor Akihito and Empress Michiko, I’d bow my ass two. This is a very special time in my life when I actually agree with actions of Barack Obama. Must be the first time he did something right.
I wonder if it was a teleprompter that told him to do that. Barack Obama can’t even take shit without his teleprompter. How he managed to bow to Japanese Emperor and not screw up somewhere on the way is beyond me. While it is said that bowing to the Emperor is a sign of respect in Japanese culture and something that’s expected without questioning, it is true that 46 leaders from other countries did not bow to Japanese Emperor and the world did not fall over. When is Barack Obama going to come and bow before me?
Photo of Barack Obama bowing to Japanese Emperor Akihito and Empress Michiko by Reuters