Tag Archives: American Idol

Alexis Cohen – American Idol Glitter Girl Dies in Hit and Run

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Alexis Cohen - American Idol Glitter Girl Dies in Hit and Run

Under normal circumstances, I don’t like people who come on camera with irritating speech impediment, but this is a sad news. Alexis Cohen, an American Idol contestant who became known as the Glitter Girl was killed in a traffic accident. The New Jersey police are investigating the incident and are looking for a hit and run driver connected to her death. Alexis Cohen first auditioned for American Idol season 7, she literally sucked and the response she got from judges was just like that. Believing, she was the next big thing America has seen, she took it harshly and gave Simon Cowell and the rest of American Idol middle finger attitude on cameras off audition room.

After her failed attempt in season 7, Alexis Cohen gave American Idol another shot during season 8. That didn’t work out for her either and never made it past audition. So she gave Simon Cowell Fuck Yous again. Glitter Girl believed she was gonna be famous one day and it looks like her dream came true. Too bad she’s dead to enjoy it. Weird how our society works. While she was alive, Alexis Cohen was just some American Idol contestant with speech impediment and attitude. Now she’s the most searched for person on the internet for the day. Death brings fame. It truly is so. NJ police are on hit and run driver’s ass. The world has lost a Glitter Girl today. Seaside Heights where the accident took place has lost its glitter. RIP Alexis Cohen. You’re a star you’ve always wanted to be now.

YouTube video with Alexis Cohen’s endless rant about American Idol and how she’s gonna show them is below.

Katrina ‘Bikini Girl’ Darrell and Kara DioGuardi on American Idol (video)

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Katrina 'Bikini Girl' Darrell and Kara DioGuardi on American Idol (video)

Are you ready to see the worst video of your life? Major American Idol failure by the name of Katrina Darrell who became known as the Bikini Girl after she auditioned for American idol in the bikini returned on the stage of American Idol to torture people’s eardrums some more, but this time she added another torturous element so not only your ears suffer, but also your eyes – fake tits. Ho must have got popular or something cause she decided to swap her boobs with a pair of nasty silicone bags. Not ever Ryan Seacrest was impressed with her fake tits. but then again – he’s just not impressed with tits in general. He dreams of cock. Katrina ‘Bikini Girl’ Darrell should have got her voice fixed instead of her tits cause that’s just as painful as it was before.

As Katrina ‘Bikini Girl’ Darrell started with her painful performance, she was joined on stage by American Idol judge Kara DioGuardi who kind of proved her point that she can sing better than Katrina Darrell. Kara even opened her robe at the end of performance to show her own bikini body which again – was hotter than Katrina Darrell’s. This was just not Katrina’s best day. She was humiliated beyond belief and hopefully sent back to where she belongs – a whore house.

The video of Katrina ‘Bikini Girl’ Darrell av Kara DioGuardi face off is below. I’m sure Mariah Carey whose song Vision of Love these two butchered is grasping a butcher knife watching this awfulness.

Jordin Sparks Singing Battlefield on American Idol (video)

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Jordin Sparks Singing Battlefield on American Idol (video)

Jordin Sparks is a perfect proof that only truly awful singers ever win American Idol. Having won season 6 of the American Idol, Jordin Sparks was invited to perform on the popular singing contest by Fox Television and it was painful. Jordin Sparks was singing a song Battlefield which is a new song from her and I could not have listened to anything more irritating before going to bed. Not only is Battlefield musically worthless, the singing of Jordin Sparks that goes with it makes it torturous.

As announced by ever so gay Ryan Seacrest, Jordin Sparks was joined on stage by Ryan Tedder, the vocalist from OneRepublic who played piano for Battlefield. Ryan Tedder allegedly wrote and produced Battlefield so he’s just as guilty of creating awful music as Jordin Sparks for adding her irritating voice to it. Duh. Check out the video of the excruciating performance below:

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Jamie Foxx Performing Blame It on American Idol

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Jamie Foxx Performing Blame It on American Idol

American actor Jamie Foxx (real name Eric Marlon Bishop) was on American Idol last night to perform his song “Blame It”. I’m having hard time using term “song” with this bullshit. Seriously, it’s 21st century. I would have thought painful crap like that was illegal by now. Now only is it painful to listen to, I’d go as far as calling it vomit inducing. That “Blame It” bullshit must be the worst piece of crap I have head in last two decades. Ban that shit!

The video of that painful performance on American Idol is below. Ryan the gay Seacrest kept hugging and touching Jamie Foxx like he was in a gay porn movie. That guy is creepy and just about as painful as Blame It itself. What a way to spoil everybody’s Thursday. Don’t hate me, though. Hate the society for allowing shit artists to perform crappy music. Jamie Foxx should be outlawed and held responsible for fucking up mine and everybody else’s who watches this video day. Fuck that shit!

Miranda Tozier-Robbins – Britney Spears Stalker and ex American Idol (mugshot)

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Miranda Tozier-Robbins Mugshot

Remember Miranda Tozier-Robbins from American Idol season 5? Yeah, me neither. Well, the 26 year old ex American Idol contestants went crazy when she decided to stalk Britney Spears at her private residence in Calabasas. Security personnel guarding the property of Britney Spears noticed a camouflage wearing person creeping around the windows to the residence, went to check out on the situation and found Miranda Tozier-Robbins taking peeks inside, while carrying a backpack with a video camera inside. That must be the most boring celebrity stalker story ever. I thought stalker are more creative – you know, like they get in the house through the chimney, pack themselves up in a cupboard and quietly jerk off snooping at them through tiny gap. 21st century stalkers suck.

According to reports, when security people told Miranda Tozier-Robbins to leave as she was on a private property and could be charged with trespassing, she disregarded their requests and stalked on hoping for an encounter with Britney Spears. The security didn’t put up with any of that and called sheriffs people who removed Miranda Tozier-Robbins from the property. The ex-American Idol turned Britney Spears stalker is now charged with trespassing and disorderly conduct. The mugshot of her awesomeness is above.

The biggest joke is that Britney Spears was not even at home when Miranda Tozier-Robbins went on her routine stalk around the house. What was she thinking she’d accomplish? Take a picture of her washroom and sell it to OK Magazine? Boring. She needs to get her logistics straightened out. You don’t go stalking Britney Spears unless Britney Spears is around. That is of course provided it wasn’t the security guy she wanted to stalk. In which case she can give herself a Borat toned: “GREAT SUCCESS!”

Quentin Tarantino on American Idol

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Quentin Tarantino on American Idol

Quentin Tarantino is the shit. He was a guest judge on American Idol in 2004 and Simon Cowell co. has invited his awesomeness to guest judge the competition one more time. Considering that’s he’s a rather extravagant movie director, it is hard to believe he would have the clue as to how people sing, but he actually does. As reepy as it sounds, Quentin Tarantino is the tits on American Idol and he actually makes sense.

Below is the video montage from Quentin Tarantino’s old judging back at season three of American Idol. Even though he actually sounds like a real douche, he’s at the same time retaining thew charm that’s so typical for him and that’s really awesome. I think Quentin Tarantino is a decent choice for guest judging of American Idol. Makes watching that otherwise boring crap worth while.

Quentin Tarantino Photo by Francois Mori, AP Photo

Adam Lambert Singing Mad World (The Donnie Darko Song) Video

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I’ll be honest with you, I’m a little bit uncertain about this American Idol performance of Adam Lambert. He was singing Tears for Fears song Mad World which happens to be one of my favorite songs and a song that incredibly fit Donnie Darko movie (Mad World was originally written by Tears for Fears but was re-recorded by Gary Jules and Michael Andrews for Donnie Darko). I’m torn because of two things – first of all, Adam Lambert is without doubt a good singer who has great control over his voice. However… at the same time – he butchered my favorite song. You can’t sing Donnie Darko’s Mad World and sound like gay slave who’s getting early morning prostate massage from his master. Adam Lambert should simply grow up and realize that he’s got a penis, which means he’s a boy, not a 12 year old girl. Girls pee from their bums. You Adam Lambert pee from your peepee. That’s why they effin call it a pee pee.

Still, Adam Lambert has got an erotic voice that can make any gay man cringe in his pants. Girls have a thing for gay singers too, I’m sure. Maybe they could share the vibrating anal plug with him. Or should I say – Adam Lambert could share his vibrating anal plug with the girls, cause it’s still up his ass spinning around since he put it up there before going on stage to sing Mad World. Great singing, Adam Lambert. You may be gayer than pink pony from Matel, but you’re a good singer. Even Simon Cowell gave you standing ovation. Maybe he wanted to try some of that anal plug you’re using.

Video of Adam Lambert singing Donnie Darko song Mad World by Tears for Fears is above. Hold your gay holes tight while you watch and don’t cream on your computer chairs. It’s gross.

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Carrie Underwood at CMA 2009 – What a Dress (pic)

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Carrie Underwood at CMA 2009 - What a Dress (pic)

When Carrie Underwood got on stage at last night’s Academy of CMA 2009 – Country Music Awards in Las Vegas to perform her hit song “I Told You So”, everyone’s jaws dropped. It wasn’t her stunning performance, it was the dress she was wearing. And truth be told, it was something else. Look at the pic above.

Six times entertainer of the year CMA award winner Carrie Underwood was wearing a cascading russet ball gown which literally filled up the stage at MGM Grand. It looks majestic, but I have to give Carrie Underwood kudos for actually being able to move wearing such dress. You’d think one would need seven concubines to assist with the dress if you’re wearing one of that size.

Prior to being awarded the best entertainer of the year award, Carrie Underwood also received the top female artist award. The video of her I Told You So performance along with the acceptance speech is below. Carrie Underwood totally owned the CMA 2009. Not bad for a former American Idol winner. :

Photo of Carrie Underwood at CMA 2009 by Mark J. Terrill, AP Photo

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Kelly Clarkson on American Idol – Pregnant or Just Fat?

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American Idol continued with another episode of awesomeness and ever so awesome Ryan Seacrest brought back a former idol – Kelly Clarkson. Kelly shows up on stage looking… well – fat. That immediately sparked speculations that Kelly Clarkson could be pregnant. She’s not pregnant, folks. She’s just plain fat. Besides, she told it to the microphone that she’s not dating anyone anyway. You’d think that is someone knocked her up, she’d be all over news telling everyone about it.

Kelly Clarkson performed her painful hit “My Life Would Suck Without You”. I could not listen to that song all the way through. How can she be a platinum selling artist with this type of music? People pay for this? I’m really not sure if it’s Kelly Clarkson to blame for writing painful music, or people for buying it. Just plain awful. But then again – we’re talking about former American Idol.

Check out the video above. I don’t know who’s gayer – Ryan Seacrest or Kelly Clarkson, but her music is definitely painful. And no, she’s not pregnant, she’s just fat.

Lisa Lampenelli and Simon Cowell on Jay Leno (video)

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I scarcely ever watch American Idol, but Lisa Lampenelli makes me want to get into it again. That chick’s the tits. Jay Leno had Simon Cowell as guest on his show and added Lisa Lampenelli to the mix later on, who totally stole the show. The woman’s insane, just the way I like it. She basically did not shut her yap and kept spewing funniest shite I’ve seen in a long time.

I particularly liked at the beginning when she took a breath and unleashed her ode to hot piece Simon Cowell. Quoting Lisa Lampenelli:

“Why do people watch American Idol? Simon Cowell! Am I right folks? Please! Who are they going to watch? Randy Jackson? Please… that fat bastard. He looks like the chef from South Park. And that Paula Abdul… OMG – everybody’s good, everybody’s good. Bitch, pick the three guys you wanna bang this season, tell the rest they stink.”

How can you not like that woman. She’s hilarious and very witty. Added great amount of energy to otherwise mundane Jay Leno show. Video worth watching, check it out.