Beer Steak Bullshit

You know it’s coming, right? Tiger Woods Sex Tape will be on your computer screen very soon. I’m sure Tiger Woods’ agents are working round the clock to make sure any possible recordings of his Ambien Sex parties with countless mistresses are erased from the surface of the world, but so are the bounty hunters who realize there is a high price tag on Tiger Woods Sex Tape. Everyone know that if there is a Tiger Woods sex tape, it will be the most famous sex tape in existence and whoever gets to own it, will cash in like there’s no tomorrow. Hence the price for scoring one would be in multimillion dollar figures.

When it rains on Tiger Woods, it pours on Tiger Woods. The only thing worse than all current scandals that could happen to him is the actual Tiger Woods Sex Tape. But he needs to fear not. If the Tiger Woods sex tape does leak and makes it on the internet, he will likely lose some of his endorsements, but he can always make a new pact with Ambien and become their face. I’m sure their stock is already sky high and so are sales. If he actually smiled for their ads, the money would be pouring in. Screw Nike and their stupid shoes. Ambien Sex is where it’s at. Now let’s see some ugly skanks sucking on that Black/Asian cock of his. Let’s have some Tiger Woods sex tape.

I can’t help it OK? There’s been more than enough of Tiger Woods and his affairs with mistresses but even I believed at some point that he was living this life of a perfect family that’s setting up an example for all of us, hence I need to add some more shit on already stinky Tiger. Below is the transcript of a SMS text messaging exchange between Tiger Woods and one of his mistresses – Jaimee Grubbs. The text messages exchange is expectedly naughty giving little room to think that the Tiger Woods saga could possibly get any worse. Unless of course (and hopefully) someone leaks a Tiger Woods Sex Tape. Hellz yeah!

Tiger Woods: Hey Sexy I can’t come out this week. Something came up family wise (July 20, 3:04 p.m.)

Jaimee Grubbs: That’s okay I hope everything is fine … would have liked to see you

Tiger Woods: We will make it happen

Jaimee Grubbs: I drove out for the night to surprise a friend with a present for there birthday (July 26, 11: 22 p.m.)

Tiger Woods: what kind of present your naked body

Jaimee Grubbs: haha no a watch I slept alone

Tiger Woods: alone with him that is

Jaimee Grubbs: haha I wish

Jaimee Grubbs: miss u (Sept. 27, 6:38 p.m.)

Tiger Woods: now that’s hot so who is your new boy toy

Jaimee Grubbs: no new boy toy … still running dry… been on 2 real dates in the pat 2 months

Tiger Woods: I need you

Jaimee Grubbs: then get your tight ass over here and visit me! I need u

Tiger Woods: I will wear you out soon

Jaimee Grubbs: how soon? I got a new piercing

Tiger Woods: really. Where

Jaimee Grubbs: I just sent u a pic of it … is on my cheek below my eye … implanted a little diamond

Tiger Woods: send it again. I didn’t pick up on that

Tiger Woods: you just need some attention from me

Tiger Woods: do you have a boy friend (8:45 p.m.)

Jaimee Grubbs: I don’t even have someone I am dating … no … u can be my boyfriend

Tiger Woods: then I am

Jaimee Grubbs: I wish

Tiger Woods: quiet and secretively we will always be together

Tiger Woods: when was the last time you got laid

Jaimee Grubbs: if we hang out on a Sundway we can watch desperate houswives again haha (Sept. 30, 3:38 p.m.)

Tiger Woods: oh god

Jaimee Grubbs: take a break from watching boring old golf

Jaimee Grubbs: I mean the amazing sport of golf

Jaimee Grubbs: [more than an hour later] babe I was kidding

Tiger Woods: I know sexy

Jaimee Grubbs: is it orange county time yet? (Oct. 1, 6:06 p.m.)

Tiger Woods: oh stop

Jaimee Grubbs: hahaha I know … but you canceled on me last time so the anticipation is killing me … im finding myself watching sports center … haha j/k it isn’t that bad

Tiger Woods: its never been that bad

Jaimee Grubbs: very true … I only watch football

Tiger Woods: Figured you would say that. Big black guys.

Jaimee Grubbs: u are my first, last and only black guy! U should feel special

Tiger Woods: why do I not believe that?

Tiger Woods: [later, in response to Jaimee's mention of a date who was "full of himself"] you kinda like that for some reason which is weird why you decided on me.

Tiger Woods: having an asian mother and a military father you cannot and will not ever be full of yourself

Jaimee Grubbs: I have fun with u, you always make me smile and I am not afraid to be myself or say anything to u … the day I met u I thought u were going to kick me out a few times but for someone reason you didn’t and u have told me numerous times I talk to much but slowly as I get to know u iI think your absolutely amazing

Tiger Woods: you are wrong I’m bone thugs in harmon

Jaimee Grubbs: Something wrong babe?I was excited to sepnd time with u this week (Oct. 15, 6:40 p.m.)

Tiger Woods: I will you Sunda night. Its the only night in which I am totally free but I have to leave at 530 Monday morning to drive up to the valley for an outing for one of my sponsors. See you at 8 pm on Sunday in newport

Tiger Woods: don’t text me back till tomorrow morning. I have to many people around me right now

Tiger Woods: send me something very naughty (Oct. 18, 3:40 p.m.)

Jaimee Grubbs: some things are worth waiting for lol … besides im at work

Tiger Woods: go to the bathroom and take it

Jaimee Grubbs: haha ur too much

Jaimee Grubbs: are u leaving me cause your wife is still in newport I am lonely now … i like falling asleep in your arms (Oct. 18, 11:38 p.m.)

Tiger Woods: sorry baby I just can’t sleep. Its just a problem I have.

Tiger Woods: she is not here. They left this morning

Jaimee Grubbs: well I appreciate you not wanting to wake me up but if y couldn’t sleep I would have rather sat up and talked to u more … find out why I keep falling more and more for u

Tiger Woods: Because I’m blasian

Tiger Woods: I’m sorry babe. Im already home.

Jaimee Grubbs: I’m putting my underwear back on … thats a no no … come take them off

Tiger Woods: you are too funny

Tiger Woods: happy thanksgiving to you (Nov. 26, 11:16 a.m.)

Jaimee Grubbs: u too love

How do these text messages leak all the time anyway? Are there no more privacy laws of sorts? U4nless of course it’s Jaimee Grubbs herself that transcribed this SMS conversation and gracefully shared out of her own interest. This is a likely scenario as Jaimee Gribbs likely used to think that she was the only “special” and “secret” girl in Tiger Woods’ life but as the list of his mistresses kept growing, she realized that she was just another pussy on his dick. She was nothing special to him and nothing special to anyone else. Bitch got mad and posted the text messages she’s exchanged with Tiger Woods. Now you see who you shoved your Black/Asian dick into, Tiger? Filthy. In this day and age when everything is ruled by in internet, there is no such thing as “What happens in Vegas, stay in Vegas”. These days it’s all about “What happens in Vegas, makes it on the internet within minutes”. Poor Tiger Woods.